1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
