i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
