I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You need a sexual gate keeper
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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