Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
