Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Life is so much better after having sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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