U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
