I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This baby is an asshole
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
