party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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