Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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