our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize