Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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