We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
