Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
