i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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