I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
