were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
