She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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