Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
