i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
