there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
