I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
