She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
