Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
