his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize