How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
