am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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