i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
