That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
