I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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