If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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