Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
