So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize