youre lurking in front of me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
pray to the hookup gods
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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