wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
