I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
