Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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