If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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