i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize