I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
