i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
