I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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