uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
