i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
