I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
