I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
