you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
