Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
