Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
