sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
