apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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