i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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