And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
