Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
