Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
