In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
