super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
