yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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