Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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