I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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