I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
