Whod you bang
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
