i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
