apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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